Where have YOU been?

I really don't write a lot in this blog because I know no one really reads it haha, but some days *days like this* writing in this thing really helps me.  So update on where I'm at is that I'm still at 204 lbs, not really sure about my measurements because I haven't taken those in awhile.  Last week from Thursday-Sunday my husband and I flew to Denver Colorado for his anniversary present to me.  We spent some time exploring Denver & Morrison.  We also got to see a concert at the Red Rocks Ampitheater while we were there...Panic @ the Disco!  One of my favorite bands, so yea that was an awesome gift my hubby gave me :-)

So I have only flown once in my life, and that was from OKC to Houston then back, so it was a short flight, small plane, no biggie.  That was back in 2008 when I was 18, so yea quite awhile back.  I can now say that I have a legitimate fear of flying, I'm not talking about just heart beating fast....I'm talking about heart pounding out of my chest, grabbing the seat, shaking so bad I can't even get a cup to my mouth FEAR.  I thought the flight to Denver was a little shaky and thought the flight back would be better since I kind of knew what would happen...WRONG.  Our plane coming back was old as crap, and it was smaller than the first, and I felt like it was literally going to fall apart in the sky.  It even made my hubby nervous, and he was great the whole time.   Anywho I feel stupid saying this, but I feel traumatized by the whole experience.  The first night I was back, I was laying in bed just having flashbacks of the plane and all the anxiety I felt and then I started getting horrible anxiety.  The 2nd night I was a little better, but then I heard a noise and it flashed me back to being in plane and hearing certain noises which made me...guess it....yep get bad anxiety.  Anxiety then kicked up my depression to where not even my meds are working.  It's just been a crazy sucky week for me  as far as my depression & anxiety have gone. I haven't even left the house since being back, I have no motivation to...not even for the gym.  Oh yea THE GYM....I have had no motivation to go what so ever.   I kind of feel myself slowly getting back to wanting to go thanks to tons of youtube videos of fitness gurus, & the biggest loser (starting from the 1st season).

So what's my plan from here....
I'm kind of just starting over from this point.  I'm going to view my starting weight from this point on.  Of course at the end of my journey I'll take it allllll into consideration, but as of today, my starting weight will be what I weigh today.  Eusevio just told me yesterday that he's going to be getting a good commission check, so what do I want to splurge on?  Personal Training!  I've always thought the prices at my gym were rediculous, and I always thought I did pretty good at getting ideas from youtube and pinterest.  But I just feel like if I can afford it, I'm going to try it!  I'd really like for someone to just tell me what to eat every week, and what specific exercises to do every time I go to get where I want to be.  It is my ultimate goal to lose 50 lbs, so I know I'll need a lot of help to do that.  I feel like I've gotten a pretty good head start with that so far as far as exercise and diet have gone, but I feel like I need that extra push of feeling accountable to someone.  Who better than a personal trainer!

So after this super long blog post, I feel a little better.  Trying to kick the anxiety and depression, trying to get that motivation back, trying to get my diet back on track.

I'll try to be more consistent in my blog post!  I even kick around the idea of starting youtube videos, who knows we'll see :-)

~Kylah

I stole this from Panic @ the Disco's fb page.  We had awesome seats!